Avenged Sevenfold Interview

The Orange County hell raisers were in old London Town of late, so Cardinal Doran decided to dust off the thumbscrews. Only to find that the tongues of M. Shadows and The Rev had already been loosened by the famously potent English ale.

The video to 'Bat Country' looks like the most fun in the world, what was it like hanging out with all those semi-naked girls?
A Jealous Fan Who Doesn't Get Laid Enough, Dorset

The Rev:(slurring) "I dunno, what does it feel like to you when you're jerking off to it?"
M. Shadows: (laughing) "Tell it like it is. That's it!"
Hammer: Who was the director?
M. Shadows: "Mark Klasfeld. He's this amazing director that we really love. He did the Bloodhound Gang video. He did the Sum 41 video and a bunch of other films that just looked really cool. He did a Jay-Z video. In fact we wanted it to have a hip-hop vibe to it, meaning the lights and shit like that had to be so people could still tell it was a rock video."
Hammer: 'Bat Country' is all about hard living in Las Vegas and the writer Hunter S Thompson, who died recently. Did you see what they did with his ashes?
M. Shadows: "I didn't see it because we were on tour but I read about it. They fired him out of a canon with some fireworks on his ranch in Aspen, Colorado. That was awesome." Hammer: What sort of ceremony do you want when you die?
M. Shadows: "To tell you the truth, I haven't thought about it and I don't really want to either. It's too far away... I hope."
The Rev: (practically incomprehensible) "I'd rather at this point, although I might regret it later, die in an accident or car crash or something."
M. Shadows: "You see, this is a creepy interview, man. They'll use this in a year's time with me saying, 'It's too far away.' And then they'll cut to a person in the studio saying, 'And that's the last interview they ever did'. Creepy."
The Rev: "I just want to get brutally murdered by my ex-girlfriend. I won't want music at my funeral. Music will be the reason for my death so I will be bitter towards it at that point."
M. Shadows: "You should throw a party for all of your friends though."
The Rev: "Good point. Yeah, I'll throw a party. You could make a life-sized dummy of me and stick it in the corner as if I'm at the party. How cool would that be?!"
Hammer: The English philosopher, Jeremy Bentham, left his body to University College London where they embalmed him, gave him a wax head and kept him in a cupboard. Now when they have a meeting they put his corpse at the table and put down in the minutes that he is present but not voting.
The Rev: "No! That's awesome."

When you were growing up, which rock star did you pretend to be in front of the bedroom mirror?Alex, Hammer message board

M. Shadows: (massive pause)...
The Rev: (massive pause) "I don't even remember what the question was."
Hammer: Which rock star did you pretend to be? Did you pretend to be Kate Bush and tuck your cock in between your legs?
M. Shadows: "Yes! Everyone tucks their dick between their legs and checks it out in the mirror! Everyone has done that!"
The Rev: "Yeah, just like everyone tries to suck their own dick!"
Hammer: Did you make it though?
The Rev: "I possibly might have."
M. Shadows: "It's no big thing. Everyone likes to suck their own dick, or to at least try."
The Rev: "It's an LA night out. A guy sucking his own dick. What was the question again?"
M. Shadows: "I used to pretend to be Eddie Van Halen and got my mom to write to the fan club thinking that he would write back to me. But they sent me a poster and it was signed. This was back when MTV was just starting and it was a big thing. I had that poster for a long time but then sold it only to find out that now it is worth super amounts of money.
The Rev: "The only letter I wrote was to Mike Patton. Me and Synyster (Gates) wrote to him saying that we had discovered he was gay because of the lyrics to 'My Ass Is On Fire' by Mr Bungle. And someone wrote back saying 'Sorry, Mike is the only one who isn't flaming in Mr Bungle'. They actually wrote that to us."
M. Shadows: "Wow!"

The Rev is on record as saying he enjoys "cutting bitches". How seriously are we supposed to take that statement?
The Concerned Feminist, Croydon

M. Shadows: (roaring with laughter) "Dude!"
The Rev: (puts head in hands): "The Concerned Feminist?"
M. Shadows: "Fuck you dumb bitch! You can suck my dick. Jesus Christ, I hate that fucking shit. It's fucking bullshit."
The Rev: "That's a good answer."
M. Shadows: "No, seriously dude. Who fucking cares?"
The Rev: "You don't take that shit to heart because..."
M. Shadows: "That's all we've got to say on that subject."
Hammer: That's all you've got to say?
M. Shadows: "Yup."

If you could have one super power each, what would they be?Stan Lee, Ipswich

M. Shadows: "Ridding the world of feminists."
The Rev: "I would wear a cloak (three week pause) of invisibility."
Hammer: Okaaaaaay. Who would win in a fight between the Mekon and Professor Xavier of The X-Men?
The Rev: "Professor X would win. But he's human right? So maybe not. Professor X is a cripple ass bitch and I'm going to fuck him up. And Patrick Stewart."
Hammer: "You say that now after a few pints but Patrick Stewart has the cold dead eyes of a killer. He'd fuck you up.
The Rev: "I cut bitches up. So I'll definitely cut that bitch up."

If someone were to run a book on which member of A7X was to end up in prison first, who would the smart money be on?
Tom, Sheffield

Hammer: Given that The Reverend has been in prison seven times, I think he means for the first time after I ask this question.
The Rev: "If it's for a short time it would be me."
M. Shadows: "And if it was for a long time it would be me."
The Rev: "He has got a switch in his head that could get flipped at the wrong moment." Hammer: He does have the cold dead eyes of Patrick Stewart now that you mention it.
M. Shadows: "That's fucking right."
The Rev: "I think that is one of his greatest fears; that switch being thrown at the wrong time. And that would be it. Jail for life. I've only ever been in jail for stupid shit like fights. When I was over here I thought I was going to be in jail for ages, the guy was in hospital getting tests and if he had have pressed charges it would have been for a long time. It can get worked out though. When I was 15 I was on trial for armed robbery with a friend and that got plea-bargained down. I definitely don't recommend doing things like this by the way because you'll end up in jail. We were just stupid thieves. We had been paid a very small amount of money to steal some computer components. The security guards saw us and chased us. We jumped in the car and sped off with one of them hanging onto the car and grabbing onto us through the window."
M. Shadows: "They got it on CCTV footage. The best film ever. They've got him, 15, fighting three security guards."
The Rev: "Yeah, mom found it and threw it away. I can't find it anywhere."

I can't resist a second question, which one of you will be the first to die?Tom, Sheffield

M. Shadows: "Probably Johnny [Christ] next time he buys a car. He totalled one recently, drunk driving. A concerned mad parent is going to write in to Metal Hammer now and say, 'Are you serious about that drunk driving thing?'"
The Rev: "He bought a brand new car and was saying, 'Hey, check it out.' He drank a fifth and drove it straight into a parked truck, three doors away from his house. Johnny woke up in jail, like, 'What happened?' No insurance because he'd only just bought it."
Hammer: Talking of death, why is it that ghosts of children are so terrifying when real children aren't scary in the slightest? M. Shadows: "If it's a ghost child, it means something horrible happened to it early in life. That's why they're frightening."

Have you ever had your arse kicked in a fight?
Marques of Queensbury, Queensbury

M. Shadows: "Probably when I was younger. But it hasn't happened since grade school. The thing to remember [about fighting] is to keep your hands up in front of your face and then keep on destroying. It's no good punching someone once then letting up.
Hammer: Is it alright to stick your thumb, really hard, into someone's eye?
M. Shadows: "If you are in a bar fight it's alright to do whatever you want."
Hammer: "In that case, is it alright to stick your thumb really hard up a dude's ass?"
M. Shadows: "Yes! If his asshole is there and you need to hurt him, don't think twice! Listen, the thing is this: in a bar fight you don't know who you are dealing with. They could be lots tougher than you and if they know that, then you're in trouble."
The Rev: "Bottles first. Whatever you're drinking out of has to go over their head. "
M. Shadows: "Kick 'em or knee 'em in the face as hard as you can. Take 'em out."
The Rev: "But try and remain calm. Focus on what you are doing, ignore all the blows that are landing on your head from other people."
Hammer: But there always has to be a voice in your head that says stop, when you reach for a fire extinguisher...
M. Shadows: "I've had plenty of friends use fire extinguishers. It's so funny, you should mention that. I mean spraying though, not hitting. It's way funnier. They run round screaming and they can't breathe or anything."

I'm a gay reader and I think there is something terribly homo-erotic about your band, do you see what I mean?The Most Enthusiastic Swinger In Town, Aberdeen

The Rev: "I don't blame anyone for wanting to fuck us!"